Some of them I consider "regret-lite"--things that I feel, yes, but can dismiss as being fairly standard regret fare. You know. Things I said that I wish I hadn't, things I wish I had said that I didn't. Wishing I'd spent more time with my grandmother before she died. Lamenting the fact that I didn't study abroad when I had the chance.Read More
Are you familiar with something called "Body Checking"?
I had heard this term before, but usually in a crowd control sort of context. For example: "I was body checked by Madonna's entourage on a NYC street!". But I'd never heard it in an eating disorder context until a few weeks ago, at the NEDA (National Eating Disorders Association) conference.Read More
Not Good Enough knows that the grass is greener over there, because she’s looked over there for a really long time, and then looked back here and found it lacking.
Not Good Enough doesn’t need a ride, because taking the bus then walking home in the rain is totally fine.
Not Good Enough has never been upgraded from the kid’s table at Thanksgiving.Read More
Sometimes, the things that don't come so easy to us are really the things we need to work on.Read More
My family is great. My friends are great. I love each and every one of them, and I know they all love me.
But my family and friends are not always helpful in my eating disorder recovery.Read More
Since I've started writing and opening up about my history of disordered eating, I've had a lot of people approach me. Some of them want to share their issues with eating, others want to commend me on sharing. Many of them, though, see what I write and wonder if I can offer insight as to how they can approach or help someone they are worried has an eating disorder.Read More
I used to be skinny. I used to have a gap between my thighs. Visible clavicles. You could see the shape of my ribs if I was wearing a bikini or my underwear.Read More
From about 1998 through 2005, I was bulimic. Today, I'd like to address how I stopped making myself throw up.Read More
What if I promised you right now, whether you're anorexic or bulimic, a binge eater, drunkorexic, orthorexic, or EDNOS, that it can get better...that it will get better?Read More
Dear Thighs and Butt,
We haven't always had the best of relationships, and I'd officially like to say I'm sorry for that.
If I put on my therapist hat, I might hypothesize that the trouble started when I was 12, and some mean little boy made reference to my having "thunder thighs". I didn't know what it meant, so I asked my mother. Not knowing I was asking because I had been called out for having them, she said it was a reference to large thighs.Read More
Even the desire for liberation is bondage.
What does this phrase mean to you? To jog your thoughts, I'll tell you what it means to me.
For as long as I can remember, I have wanted more, more, more. It's suiting that my name is Moore--my mother allegedly began referring to me as "Jessie-wants-Moore" as early as my teething days.Read More
Me on the Food Psych Podcast. Basically I talk about how life with cake is superior to life without. (Food Psych Podcast)
Me on the Recovery Warriors podcast. Another great interview. (Recovery Warriors)
A response to my post about rejection. (Slow Bloom)
What is true freedom? (My Cravings)
Fat is not a feeling. (Huffington Post)
Should we stop eating anorexia memoirs? (Dailylife.com.au)
Not long ago, two not-awesome things happened on the same day.
First, my grandmother died. I loved my grandmother. But I will be honest in telling you that mingled with sadness was relief: she was in the advanced stages of dementia, and at the point of her passing, it had already felt like she'd been "gone" for years. I commended myself on handling the news with grace and a healthy outlook.
The second thing that happened was this: I received an e-mail letting me know that my latest book proposal, which I really think is a great and clever idea, had been rejected.Read More
You should turn over a new leaf. Start fresh. Let it go.
Everyone spouts off variations of this phrase, from therapists to church to even Taylor Swift.
But what if you can't "shake it off"? What if you find yourself holding on to every little thing, from a fear that you'll lose your job to bad vibes from the grocery store clerk who was rude to you to the baggage that comes with romantic relationships both past and present?Read More
I'm a constant comparer. At any given time during the day, I'm pondering how my hair is longer than hers, or how her nose is prettier than mine, or how I can do a split better than him in yoga class...or how much I've eaten compared to you.Read More
Recently, I spent the month in Asheville, North Carolina. I completed a 3 week yoga teacher training immersion at the Asheville Yoga Center, which is pretty darned cool.
Not only did I learn about yoga during this training, but it also kicked my eating disorder in the ass. I got an education of the first order on life and being in it, and the more I learned, the quieter the disorder became. Here are 10 things my eating disorder learned in the training, punctuated with illustration of all of the hairstyle calamities I experienced while doing yoga. :-)Read More
Sticking to eating disorder recovery is especially hard around the holidays. It's a perfect storm: crazy family dynamics coming together, general high stress levels as shoppers try to complete their shopping needs, and, of course, tons of rich trigger foods everywhere. It's a difficult time, food-wise, even for people who don't have eating disorders!Read More
I had an eating disorder when I started CakeSpy.com. I fit into the clinical diagnosis for anorexia, which, according to the Mayo Clinic, are the following:
- Refusal to maintain a body weight that is at or above the minimum normal weight for your age and height
- Intense fear of gaining weight or becoming fat, even though you're underweight
- Denying the seriousness of having a low body weight, or having a distorted image of your appearance or shape
- In women who've started having periods, the absence of a period for at least three consecutive menstrual cycles
My first time, I was sixteen. We were alone at my parents’ house. We’d been flirting for a while, circling each other curiously. I didn’t know it was going to happen that night. It seems cliche to say it “just happened”, but when people say it to me now, I guess I have an idea of what they mean.Read More
Do you count calories?
Even in my advanced stage of eating disorder recovery, counting calories is something I struggle with. I can typically tell when I am feeling stressed out or overwhelmed, because it's often these days that I stop more than once and think, "OK, let me take a pause and count how many calories I've eaten today." I don't really know what motivates this behavior, if it's a twisted way of trying to take a break, or if it's a way of trying to assert order in what feels increasingly like an out of control world. Maybe both.Read More